How to Acquire Donuts (Without Killing Anyone)

You don’t want to kill anyone. It’s not really your style. But the urge hits you as a call to adventure of sorts. It begins as an amorphous desire to shake up the relentless monotony of your life and resolves itself as something sweet and frosted, and possibly jelly-filled.

You realize — with growing dread — that the time has come to acquire donuts.